dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
