i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
