Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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