Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
