addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
