I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
