Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
