Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize