1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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