Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
