I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
