Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
