I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
