I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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