Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
