you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize