You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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