I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
