I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
