I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
