Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
