If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
