Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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