There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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