i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
