it's not cheating when I paid for it
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
