You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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