so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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