the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize