so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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