I hate your face
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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