dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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