Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
