We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
