Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
This house was built for laser tag.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
