he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
