just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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