So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
