So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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