Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
