so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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