Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
