So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
