would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
