You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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