I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
