Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
