i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
