I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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