So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize