DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The beers last night were like the tears from god
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
