i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
