stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I didn't notice because vodka
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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