You just made me feel so damn special
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I need a hoe opinion
go on
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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