the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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