So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
