I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
