That's intense
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize