I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
