dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
