if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
