if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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