Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
