one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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