theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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