You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
