Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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